Chapter 5

Klaus was alone now in the building that was once his home, all that has transpired this day has brought him to only one goal in his life: find out who did this, and make them pay.
He entered the family gallery, across the room stood his late father’s full-plate. The armor glistened as a faint ray of sunshine reflected on its polished surface. He remembered the first time he saw his father leave for war, it was autumn and the Johnnish hordes were amassing a grand invasion force, He didn’t want his father to leave because he promised young Klaus that they would go fishing on that very day. He cried as he beseeched his father not to go to war, but the large cat dismissed his son’s pleas by gently laying his huge paws on Klaus’ little head and with his deep soothing voice he said: “Klaus, when you grow up to be a cat, you’ll understand that I do this not only for the empire but for the safety of our family as well. Know that certain sacrifices must be made to preserve those whom you love; be it a promise or one’s own life.”
His father’s words were true. Though in vain, he sacrificed his life to protect those he love, so did his mother, his sister, his beloved wife… everyone.
Klaus brushed away his despair and pulled his father’s fullplate into the floor, picking it up piece by piece and slipping them onto his body. He may have been denied the chance to protect his family, but he will not be denied the chance to avenge them.

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The Jonnish warlord Razekiel spent the afternoon gathering what was left of his army, he ordered the Yetis to start digging through the snow for survivors; no doubt that their undead opponents will be back with reinforcements.
The handful he has now wasn’t sufficient, he needed more troops. The warlord barked more orders to gather up their fallen kin’s wargear and to head back up the mountain.
Back in their cavernous fortress the Johnnish began their “recruiting”. Mound-like formations are littered all around their fortress; these mounds contain up to ten matured Johnnishes which will be dug out by their older kin and immediately handed crude weapons, no training necessary as they already possess an innate method of fighting: “if thar be sumthin’ ta smash, smashit!” Unfortunately, their hairy kin also counts as “sumthin’ ta smash.”
Razekiel knew that in mere seconds a fight would break out within the fortress and he would end up loosing more than half his army. He had to oversee the entire operation and make sure that every unwanted brawling will be prevented; by knocking them out.
“Bonk” goes two Johnnish soldiers heads as Razekiel’s fists made contact.
“Save da foitin’ fer da deadies grunt, an’ ya toos bet’tur be conshus when oi gets back to ya!” he bellowed at the soldiers as they dropped like a ton of bricks. “Yoo dar, pick up a shovel an’ dig or oi’ll bash ya good oi will!”
The warlord’s yelling and berating continued as the rest they continued with their recruitment drive. “Bluddy ‘ell, keep up da pace ya lazy flee-ridden maggets!!!”

After hours of digging the fortress was now littered with the hairy creatures, all bellowing battlecries of “Bah-boosh” whilst beating their hairy chests with their ham-sized fists. The soldiers were equipped according to the thickness of their body-hair; the shaggiest of the Johnnish were considered as an asset so they are given more bits of armor to cover their bodies, while their less hirsute kin are force to rely on the clothes on their backs for protection. The shaggier of the Johnnish are also given first pick of any plundered weapons; swords, scimitars, hammers, halberds, clubs and cudgels, some may also be lucky enough to wield firearms bolted together from broken ones, again the less hairy one are left with whatever they can get their hands on; pointy sticks, broken bottles, rocks, and rabid razorweasels if their lucky.

“Dis’ iz gonna be a big foit fer us ladz!” Razekiel bellowed to his troops “Da deadie’s got lot o’ guts ta’ come up ‘ere an’ pick a foit wid da meanest, tuffest an’ da foitiest foiters dar iz, Bah-Boosh!”

The walls of the fortress shook with the echoes of the Johnnish horde’s battlecry: “Bah-boosh” they cried out in unison, “Bah-boosh” their voices rang out drowning out the sound of their wardrums, “Bah-boosh” as they marched out to war!

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It was a crisp morning and the dew-kissed leaves glistened with tiny rainbows as the golden beams of light shone on them. In a small yet unique toystore nestled on the humble town of Dussel, there live a couple unlike any other; Othessa and Lacy, what makes them “unlike any other” you ask? Well the answer is the same as why the toystore is unique; for where else can you find a toystore owned and run by toys for Othessa and his wife Lacy are dolls given life through a bizarre alchemical process.

The two were dressed up as chefs, and cooking breakfast; Othessa was frying a few strips of bacon while his wife mixed up a fresh batch of pancakes ready for cooking. The skillet was ready, and Lacy poured a glob of pancake mix into its hot surface, she watched as tiny bubbles erupted from the batter’s surface multiplying in number and telling her that the time is right to flip it. The bacon was done, and Othessa rushed down the cellar to fetch two jugs of mead, though he may be a mere eighteen inches tall, the fine steel cables that serves as his muscles gives him the strength of a human bodybuilder.
Lacy removed the pot from the coffee machine and filled twenty cups on a set table; she rushed back to kitchen and returned with a food-filled tray on each hand which she promptly placed on the table. Her husband arrived shortly and placed the jugs on top of the table and going back to the kitchen for some mugs. With the table now properly set, it’s now time to call the boys: “Get off your beds and come down for breakfast you lazy gits!”
From up the stairs came the rumbling sound of footsteps, followed by the appearance of TWENTY pale dwarflike creatures rushing to their respective chairs. Their huge heads were equipped with wide mouths which they stuffed with bacon, pancakes, baked beans, biscuits, eggs and sausages the moment they sat on the breakfast table. They gorged themselves like pigs on a trough, occasionally yelling out: “ALODIA!” which sent bits of half-chewed food flying into the air. “ALODIA!” they yelled again as they filled their mugs with mead drinking it all down in one gulp.  

Malvolio awoke to a familiar sight; two small doll-like humanoids standing on the side of his bed, both wore chef’s clothes and sported feminine features but the gnome knew that one of them is male. This is the second time that he’s found himself in Lacy and Othessa’s guestroom having his wounds tended; the first time was when he nearly escaped with his life after being mauled by stray pitbulls for his botched attempt to neuter them. The couple found him unconscious and bleeding on their doorstep and was kind enough to tend to his injuries. This second time, he had no idea on how they found him. The frog creature really gave him a thrashing that can knock a dwarf cold for weeks, it was a miracle that he survived, and it was a blessing that Lacy and Othessa found him.

“Back causing trouble again, are we mister gnome?” Lacy said with a nonchalant smile. “I wouldn’t be moving too much if I were you, you’ve suffered quite a lot of bruises and a few cracked ribs, it’ll be a few days before you’re fit enough to play pranks on the populace.”

“She’s right; it will be in your best interest to settle here until you recover from your injuries.” said Othessa as he set the breakfast tray on Malvolio’s lap “look on the bright side, you’ll be able to once again grace us with your exquisite company, and don’t worry about getting around; I’ll have the boys bring up a wheelchair after they set up the lift for the stairs.”

With this the two left, leaving the injured gnome to relax and enjoy a fine meal. The room looked the same way when he was here before; pink curtains with white laces on the windows, a pine desk standing on one corner with pictures of the couple set on top, a plush chair piled with his belongings, and more importantly: a television right in front of the bed. The only thing better about eating breakfast in bed is; eating breakfast in bed while watching “Baby Panda Seal Wrestling”.
The food was just as good as it was before; sausages and bacon -that tasted like they did back when they were made out of pigs-, baked beans, fluffy pancakes topped with butter and syrup, eggs fried sunny-side up, soft buttery biscuits and to wash it all down: a pint of mead.
Three days of fine dinning and free accommodations, perhaps he could use that time to prepare for his trip to Eichslund. Othessa’s cellar is also equipped with a workshop and a small foundry, if he can gain permission to access its facilities he may finally have some use for the vial of water which he collected from the knight’s lake.

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Drachenfaust went back up the mountain pass to once again to face with the Johnnish. Accompanied by two regiments of Boneguards, a squad of Fellbats and a new battleplan he was more than prepared for the next encounter with the brutish horde.
Chrome Lotus was also with him, with the wounds that he received from an irate count healed, the fat mage sat on top of a small portable platform which was bore by two burly ghouls.
“The scourge of the crusades, humiliated by a bunch of hair-brained mountain folk.” The mage mocked the undead duke “every good general knows that a contingency plan is essential to any military task.”
“We were caught by surprised.” The dead duke sneered to show his annoyance, which grew even more when the smug spellcaster replied with:
“Everything has a strategy, so there’s no excuse for your lack of foresight.”

Drachenfaust let out a low growl of frustration; he did not like being talked down by mortals. He would have struck down the mage from where he stood, but he knew better than to give in to his rage, for the corpulent mage would provide well needed support for his troops, he would just have to wait.

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Klaus rode through the plains on his grasshopper mount; he planned to ride back to the capital with the news of Valstadt’s fall, he could only hope that the Empfeurer would grant him the honor of leading an army of his own in order to avenge his grudge.
The cat’s investigation lead him to deduce that it was the undead who ravaged his hometown, most of the dead he found were half-eaten and torn; the same way how ghouls and zombies dispatched their pray. He also speculated that their leader might have acquired a warmachine or a wizard, since the necromancers of the undead were incapable of using devastating fire-based attacks. It’s more likely a wizard, for aside from the smoldering buildings no warmachine could enter the estate and no undead monstrosity could have matched his parents in combat; they were more likely to have been dispatched by spells cast from afar.

It would be dangerous for him to go through the Junland Mountains since his grasshopper mount was not built for cold environments, so Klaus would have to use the road leading to Droogwood; a forest of pine, oaks and discarded laptops infested with G0blinz. The g0blinz used to be normal goblins who prowled the forest floors, but one day a handful traveled to the center of the forest and found a vast wasteland of old laptops. Using their innate cunning the goblins managed to figure out a way on how to repair the broken contraptions, it wasn’t long until they learned how to “H@ck” using Wifi and accesses the internet. Though cunning, goblins tend to think like children, they used the internet for instant messaging, chatrooms, and finally; Online Games.
This changed their civilization, gone now are their old tongues, replaced by a bizarre language called “L33t”, they still prowl the forest though; killing everything for a non-existent element called “XP”, they also have an odd habit of paying extraordinary amounts of currency for intangible goods known as “Virtual items” or “L00tz” even going as far as having incoherent names like: Jedi_dude456, safdgwgwgw, F@t@lity, and BenjoDX.  

Klaus entered the forest and dismounted; walking on foot will relieve his mount of excess weight and allow it to regain its strength. The cat and the grasshopper hiked the forest road, keeping their eyes peeled open anticipating an attack from behind the thick bushes or from the trees; the forest conceals many dangers; razorweasels, fanghounds, spinebacked pockethogs, and of course: g0blinz.
Perhaps it was time to rest for a while, Klaus thought. It will take three more hours of travel to make it out of the forest and they haven’t eaten since they left Valstadt. The cat laid his cloak on the grass to use as a mat; he then produced stack of smoked salmon strips and a jug of Moox milk from his pack and began eating, his grasshopper did the same, gorging itself on fresh dew-laden grass and leaves.
Their meal was suddenly interrupted by the sounds of rustling, followed high pitched squeals:
“N0 k1LLst3@lz u n00bz, dis pwn@g3 iz min3!!!111” said one voice

“Leik w3’ll let u! we pwn dis 1” answered another followed by others yelling: “Woot XD”, “we r R0xxorz!!!1” and “Pwn teh c@t!!!!111”

A gaggle of sallow-skinned humanoids emerged from the trees, their emaciated bodies moved awkwardly as they ran with bowed legs, brandishing crude assortment of weapons. Makeshift laptops were strapped to their backs, indicating that they are most assuredly g0blinz.

Klaus pulled his hammer from his belt, the creatures were bigger than him so he assumed a battle stance for battling creatures larger than a cat; he raise his weapon high and placing it vertically before him. Though the g0blinz were taller than him, they were low enough to be struck by an overhead attack; the hammer’s shaft will be used to parry incoming blows.

One g0blin rushed forward screeching maniacally whilst twirling his rusty scimitar; his charge was stopped by a hammer coming down on him like a rockslide, turning the foul creature’s head into pudding. Klaus glared at the other g0blinz, motioning them to do the same as their comrade and rush towards their deaths. The creatures answered with a volley of sharp implements flying into the air towards Klaus.